Productivity software

So I installed this program that summarizes how you spend your time when you're on your computer (http://www.rescuetime.com) . After tagging some stuff, it will tell you how productive you've been, along with the activity you've spent the most time on.

I've learned that in the last 3 days, I've spent 8.5 hrs procrastinating, mostly in the "social networking" category. Damn Facebook. Even better: it told me that I worked all of 21.6 minutes today. Dang. I was at school for 6 hours. In my defense, it doesn't include stuff that isn't done on the computer - like reading. I did write that 1/2 page of the assessment report...okay, it was mostly titles and subject headings. And a few incomplete sentences. But I started it! That's the first step...

Does anyone else start a paper or assignment by opening a document, putting a title on it, save and close it? It makes me feel accomplished because I've thought about it enough to reserve a document for it (ok, i have low standards for accomplishment). Then I can see the icon on my desktop and and tell people I've started working on it...and I'm not lying.

I'm being productive....writing this list counts as productivity, right?

You know you’ve been in graduate school too long when…

You start telling people outside of school that it’s taking you so long to finish because you’re doing a “pre-doc”.

When you speak of your cohort, no one has ever heard of them.

You speak of buildings on campus that no longer exist.

When master’s students graduate, you get jealous, even though you already have the same degree.

Your former students finish graduate school before you do.

When you no longer go to the recruitment luncheon because you figure you’re leaving soon and they’ll never get to know you. In reality, they graduate before you.

When the faculty bar you from all contact with prospective students because you will scare them by your bitter ways.

When “I can sleep in as late as I want” is no longer a satisfying response to your friend that just told you they bought a new house/got a raise/had a baby/etc.

You miss taking classes.

Your office is relocated to a room at the end of a very long hallway. It is labeled “supply closet”. Your red swingline stapler is repossessed as well.

You carry around your dissertation articles in a laundry basket.

When you have to meet with your advisor in secret locations because he doesn’t want anyone else to know that it is he who has the 13th year graduate student.

When 3 different presidents have been elected and all of them served 2 terms.

When even your landlord starts wants you to be done and move out; the rest of the building was remodeled 3 years ago.

When the new assistant professor graduated high school during your 3rd year of grad school.

When people referred to you as ABD, they don’t mean all but dissertation; they mean “a big disaster”.

When you are spending your time writing this list instead of your dissertation

Grad school fries your brain.

"Your appointment is 43 minutes overdue". Crap. It was sort of important.

I swear, I cannot remember anything for the life of me. The appointment I forgot today I've already rescheduled 3 times prior, twice at the last minute. I would have been fine if I'd been at my desk - my calendar reminds me 30 minutes ahead of time. But no, I was busy rudely interrupting people from their work to talk to me (I get lonely).

Journal articles don't talk back unless you have a really good imagination, are really sleep deprived, drunk and/or on crack. Then you can pretend that a bobblehead version of him/her is reading it out loud to you. If you've met the author at siop, a slight slurring of speech is evident and bobblehead may stagger across your desk

Ah, I/O action figures - just what the field needs to spice things up. How about I/O themed Pez dispensers that dispense caffeine pills instead of candy? Tim Judge dispenser is extra-strength.

A theory: I think that there is a curvalinear relationship of admiration and years in graduate school. After each milestone (thesis, comps), you are admired more and more. After a certain point, people cease to admire you. Being a 6th year is not impressive; its just sad.

Some good news: I may have the opportunity to teach an org behavior class in the mgmt department! Hopefully I'll get to teach it and at least one of the intro classes too. I'd really like to teach all 3, but I'm not sure that would be allowed.

Not again :(

This afternoon it was decided that I must come up with a new dissertation topic. Damn. I've only had about 5 other unsuccessful diss topics so far. I was also told that I should stop being so concerned with the method of data collection. I was being "too practical". This may have been the only time in my life that I have been the practical one! Seriously! I guess the desire to graduate would make one more practical.

I was also reminded today that in one year, I haven't met any of my major goals. Not one. How freaking depressing is that? I've definitely worked toward those goals and I am close to accomplishing some, but still. What the fuck have I been doing this past year? Running in circles?

Feeling defeated yet again. Pass the cheesecake filling. And the big spoon.

Can't let go of the dream...

I've always been a different, odd you might say, than other people. Most people, given a choice between something they are good at and something they are bad at, pick the good. I always pick the bad, the hardest thing i could do. Not exactly great for the ego or actually accomplishing anything.

Going academic or applied has boiled down to this same question: What am I good at? I'm good at applied work. I know what I'm doing (or at least i can fake it pretty well when i don't). Academics, not so much. Okay, i am in grad school and am ABD, so I'm obviously good at academics to an extent. I got good enough grades to pass my classes, finished my thesis and barely scraped through comps. In grad school, I always fell below the mean, often last in my class. That's a pretty crappy feeling, but i got used to it.

So applied is the easy choice; the winner, right?

Work, on the other hand, is something I've always been good at. I would excel in my non-academic jobs. Granted, most were not very demanding, but i was always one of the best.

I'd make more money consulting. I'd like consulting more. I'll likely be more accomplished. In my heart, that's what i think I'll end up doing. But I'm still trying to go academic; where i always will question my knowledge, will always feel inferior, will always be behind. I don't think I'd like being a professor as much as a consultant. Still, I plod on (in circles often). Perhaps I'm a masochist...

I've always felt that almost all skills/jobs are trainable to some degree. Sure, I'll never be a marathon winner, but I think i could improve a great deal. I'm curious as to where the improvement will stop. This is also true with academics. I'll eventually improve - i guess i want to see how far. With things that I'm already good at, i don't seem to be concerned with. Maybe i just want to be good at everything, Jill of all trades, you might say. Or i want to see if spending more time at things will make me like them more too. I guess I'm always looking for change. I feel like I've improved greatly in many aspects of my life during graduate school. Maybe I'm looking for dramatics - not expecting me to do well and then surprising everyone. If I'm good already, no dramatics?

Apparently, i like it when no one has expectations that i will do very well. I love proving people wrong. I like to be the underdog

so much to do...so little time

Every once in awhile, i notice exactly how many distractions there are in life that seem useless. TV, for instance. I like some shows, but before i know it, my evening is gone. I could have done more productive things, like work. Or i could do something thats is enjoyable that i don't do enough of, such as working out, or crocheting, etc. Some more productive hobbies, i guess.

I've been avoiding some things that are unpleasant to do or that i don't think i'm going to do well. Naturally, these things make me feel worse and more anxious. I have had times in my life where i did what i was supposed to do during the day and rarely put off things. That was one of the best times of my life. I didn't feel guilty, i felt smart and accomplished; dependable. Now i just feel incompetent b/c i put off just about everything.

Maybe i'll treat it like a game - try to get as much done possible in a certain amt of time. This works more with cleaning and household stuff than schoolwork, but i'm going to try. Luckily, i get a great deal of satisfaction by crossing off something on my to-do list. I'm reading the personal efficiency program - maybe that will help me. or at least inspire me a little more.

figured i should post every once in awhile

As i've known for awhile, i will not be funded next year. That's been a major cause of stress lately - that and the hospital bill that has not been settled. Yesterday, I met with the co-founder of a consulting firm about some part-time work. Now, the firm is in Pittsburgh, about 2 hours away. He mentioned possibilities of working from here. Their speciality is selection - which has not traditionally been an area i've shown the slightest bit of interest. But the selection systems are so cool...

right after this convo, I get an email that there are part-time teaching opps available next semester. 2 classes and some tuition remission. Max semester pay would be $4200. Total. So as adjunct faculty, I'll get paid less than when I was a TA. Lovely how this works. And I'll be under the same constraints that the TA's will be for intro. No matter that I have 4 years of teaching experience, no autonomy for me. Last time i taught, i had control of just about everything. I feel like i'm regressing

I think i'm going to try to do both if i can. I will never sleep, given i still have several projects and a dissertation. However, i lessen the chance that i will need to move into my car or office. I just want to get done and working that much will not help me get done faster, but I don't feel like i have much of a choice. I'll get paid. It will work out, right? It always has in the past...