And after a loong hiatus, I am back.

Wow, i really need to update more often. Let's see things that have happened since I last posted: summer, a good deal of the fall, a book chapter I wrote was published, I got an internship next semester, and I am unemployed (until January).

Starting with the later, I was really disappointed. I thought that a teaching position in the fall was all but guaranteed, but due to budget constraints, it was not to be. I totally understand the reason, and the department has come through for me countless other times, so I really can't be upset about it. I applied to every school in the area, however, and didn't even get an interview. I believe I can be upset about that. Yet i know that the economy sucks, whether for individuals or organizations...so I do understand the predicament many businesses are in. In addition, I applied to many random jobs in the area without so much as an interview. Thus, I am on unemployment. It's not enough, and I feel guilty about taking it, but it is something. And I need to eat. It was about to be revoked a few weeks ago, but luckily I won my appeal.

So, on to better things: the book chapter that I co-wrote is published! It's in a giant book on performance management. It is really cool to see my work in print!

And the biggest thing of all: the internship. But it is not just any internship, it is in Germany!!!! I've never been outside of the US or Canada and have always wanted to travel but never had the time or money to do so. It is a paid internship as well, so I'll be making (a little bit) of money; enough to get by over there. I'm rather excited, to say the least, but there are some loose ends to be taken care of before I leave. The biggest loose end is my apartment. What to do with it: sublet, put it all in storage????? I'm coming back before the end of the semester, so I might not find anyone to live here. And I'm not relishing the thought of packing up all of my belongings. But honestly, I could be living in a less expensive apartment. I guess I'll see how that goes.

The other big thing is learning German. I took 5 years of French; so my foreign language training is not helpful for me at all. Trying to teach myself and it is going ok thus far. I'm trying to put in a couple of hours a day. I didn't think I'd need to learn much, but apparently my roommate over there does not speak English. Yikes! And i want to be able to communicate with people there in general. The company I am interning for does 70% of their business in English, so I'll be okay there. I'm just a bit nervous about speaking a language that I have had no formal training in learning. Granted, I'll probably get through more than a semester's worth of German on my own - I can accelerate the process a bit; I'm willing to spend a good chunk of time everyday learning.

I'm sure that lots more has happened in 6ish months...I'll try to update more often...I promise!

Life is NOT going to bring me down

I've had a lot going on lately, most of it negative. I'm trying to remember that there are always options, always opportunities SOMEWHERE as long as I look hard enough. They may not be ideal or even seem possible, but I believe there are always options.

I've been through a lot of stuff in my life, more than most people know about. I've always gotten myself through those dark times in my life. And I'll get through this. These are challenging times. I'm always better as the underdog. Don't believe in me? Awesome. I'll prove you wrong. Sometimes (oftentimes) that person was me; telling me I can't do this (finish my thesis/comps/dissertation).

Unemployed? Yes I am. It sucks being uncertain of how I'm going to keep myself going financially. But I have mad KSAs (lol); I'll find something. Even if it is working for minimum wage. Not ideal, but may be necessary.

Hurt my knee? Yes I did. I'll be on crutches for a few days, maybe a week. And I won't get to run for awhile. But I'll get there. I'll be back. And luckily it doesn't look like I tore my ACL.

I'm sick of sabotaging myself, being afraid to succeed. I want to stop being afraid of failure. Being afraid of both leaves me stagnant. I want to progress, I want to graduate. I'd say that I'll stop being scared of these things, but it probably won't happen. All of the fear and uncertainty won't go away. I need to work THROUGH the fear and uncertainty.

All of this sounds like a cliché New Year's resolution, but that's how I feel right now. Sometimes I just get inspired…sometimes that the only thing I feel like I can control.

Happy holidays…not so happy unemployment

It appears that I will be unemployed next semester. I was supposed to teach a class, but only 3 students enrolled so it was cancelled. Bummer. Been looking at some other schools…I hope that someone has an open position somewhere. I really miss teaching already…its not the best paying job I can get, but I enjoy doing it. Sure, there are hassles involved (like all jobs) but it is the most rewarding job that I've ever done. Just for students to say they enjoyed the class means a lot to me. Plus I get used to seeing the same people every Tuesday and Thursday for 16 weeks; it seems a little weird not to. And a little sad that I probably won't ever see most of them again.

Needless to say, this lack of job thing has been a bit stressful. Especially during the holidays, when money is already tight (isn't it always for grad students?). I'm hoping I can find something part-time in the area; otherwise I may have to go and get that full-time job that I was planning to get when I finished my dissertation. There are no openings remotely close to akron, either. Not even adjoining states. Really don't want to do it, but I guess if I have to, I have to. Going to exhaust other options first.

Although this has sucked greatly, I really appreciate all of the help and support I've gotten from friends and family. Thanks J