Insight

Change in my life is necessary. I'm afraid of growing up, getting a job, etc. So i've been mediocre at best at the things I've been doing. Hiding out in my apartment instead of doing work, etc.

While I've felt that I needed to "find myself" in the last couple of months, now i just think that I'm lost. Where is that determined, passionate, strong, and independent girl that I once was? I used to be those things, and i've forgotten i can be these things again. I really need to find her. I need to care more about school. I need to become more independent emotionally. I am totally dependent upon others to help me feel better.

I'm unhappy with myself. I've lost respect for myself. I need to gain that back before I others will respect me again. I've felt more at peace now that all of this has happened. I know what i need to do - go forward, not try to relive the past. I do need to grow up, and I need to prove that growing up is not boring. I can't stay here scared. Fear is stopping me, especially academically. If I'm going to be scared, I need to keep moving on while being scared. I need to realize that I CAN DO THIS. I've done things before that no one thought i could. Now that people think I can, I worry that I can't live up to their expectations. So I haven't been trying. I need to try.