I want out...

I'm really, really, really sick of being in school right now. My cohort and above are never around or have already graduated (mostly the latter). I need a job. Badly. I'm thinking about how much i hate research. Well, i don't mind reading stuff and analyzing data, but the actual writing and designing studies I hate.

I realize now that i could be a mediocre (at best) professor, but could be a great consultant. I really think I'm going to go applied. Yet, I feel guilty about this, like I'm wasting my opportunities. *sigh* I wish I was the type of person who doesn't care what other people think. Or more like care about what I think they think.

I just want to get done. Give me a dissertation topic and I'll start today. I'm involved in so many projects now I can't devote the time I need to on my dissertation. My goal was to propose this fall. That seems quite unlikely at this point - that I'll write a whole dissertation proposal in the next 2.5 months.

I'm burned out and lack motivation. Why did I decide to go to grad school in the first place? I forgot. Please remind me.

figured i should post every once in awhile

As i've known for awhile, i will not be funded next year. That's been a major cause of stress lately - that and the hospital bill that has not been settled. Yesterday, I met with the co-founder of a consulting firm about some part-time work. Now, the firm is in Pittsburgh, about 2 hours away. He mentioned possibilities of working from here. Their speciality is selection - which has not traditionally been an area i've shown the slightest bit of interest. But the selection systems are so cool...

right after this convo, I get an email that there are part-time teaching opps available next semester. 2 classes and some tuition remission. Max semester pay would be $4200. Total. So as adjunct faculty, I'll get paid less than when I was a TA. Lovely how this works. And I'll be under the same constraints that the TA's will be for intro. No matter that I have 4 years of teaching experience, no autonomy for me. Last time i taught, i had control of just about everything. I feel like i'm regressing

I think i'm going to try to do both if i can. I will never sleep, given i still have several projects and a dissertation. However, i lessen the chance that i will need to move into my car or office. I just want to get done and working that much will not help me get done faster, but I don't feel like i have much of a choice. I'll get paid. It will work out, right? It always has in the past...