Excuse or explanation?

I haven't gotten a chance to work on my dissertation at all this week. I've been sick, and then I had outlines to grade. My great aunt passed away. I cancelled my meeting with my advisor because I hadn't gotten a chance to work on it. He responded by telling me to set some concrete goals to share with him. Not sure what to tell my advisor; just that I'm doing what I can do right now? That I've been trying to work on it every day and that's the best I can do? I've not made much measurable progress (not that I could show anyone anyway – random scribbles, lit review outlinish thing) but I feel like I can actually work on it. Not much, but I can.

I feel like everything is an excuse. That my concentration sucks, my great-aunt died (not especially close to her, but still made me sad), I had outlines to grade, that I'm not sleeping/eating well, that dissertation scares me, that I don't believe that I'll ever finish it. It is hard to admit to myself that I'm not doing as well as I should be. Telling other is even harder.

It sounds like I've got a lot of issues – which I do. I don't think this is what he had in mind when taking me on as an advisee. I know this is not what I had in mind.

2pm meeting

that i'm not remotely prepared for. Instead, i am rooted to my couch, doing anything but work on my dissertation idea. Must not put this off another 2 weeks - i'll feel bad all weekend. and it will be another excuse...I hate people that constantly make excuses.

The work is not that bad; its all in how you think about it. Must actually take a look at it first. That's generally the first step. Must think i can do this - its not too bad. I just don't want to look stupid. But i also don't want to frustrate my advisor. He's been patient, but seriously, i haven't made much progress on my disseration. Gah!