Writer's guilt: Dissertation edition

Somehow I forgot (at least I think i forgot to write) to write about getting a draft of Chapter II to my advisor. That was last Friday. I'm still waiting to hear back and I am anxious to get started on it. It is odd that I have this strange desire to tackle it head on. I may feel differently after I see the comments, however :-/

I've been reading up as much as I can about policy-capturing and how to analyze policy capturing. I'd tell y'all what it is, but I can't seem to explain it in a way where non-stats people would understand (not that you'd be interested anyway). Hell, I barely understand it. I understand the basic process, but applying it to my study I'm finding really difficult. And analysis - sheesh! There are several ways to analyze the data (once I collect it) but I'm not well-versed in any of them.

I've had 7 graduate statistics classes, yet I don't know how to do this. Awesome, I had to pick a study in which I'm unfamiliar with the methodology. So this has turned the section that is usually easiest to write for me into the hardest. Chapter III is kicking my ass. My way of dealing with this is reading every article and book chapter that has the slightest reference to policy-capturing and the analysis of policy-capturing data. I am doing work, but I have what I call "writer's guilt"

Writer's guilt as how it pertains to the dissertation is the immense amount of guilt that you feel when your dissertation itself - the document - is not being improved or written in for a few days while you figure out how the hell you are going to explain this crap. Even though I am actively working on my dissertation and reading my butt off, I still don't feel like it is real progress because it is not on paper yet. Also, I've been reading things that are only tangentially related to what I'm doing. This very well might be a waste of time, but I've read (and re-read) all of the major articles that deal with policy-capturing in the I/O literature. I've also read a few that are of different disciplines.

So the name of the game is reading, reading and more reading, all whilst feeling incredibly guilty that I'm not producing anything that can be turned in at this point. I *could* take a picture of all of the articles I've read lately, but that would take up a lot of data on an email attachment.

I know I need to give up the writer's guilt and really feel like I'm being productive even though there is no output to show for it. I need to believe that reading is really making progress. I'm certainly spending enough time doing it.

Reading for entertainment. In grad school. Really.

I used to think that reading books for fun was a ridiculous thing to do in grad school. After all, there is so many articles to read already, I couldn't fathom more reading being a way to enjoy myself. And of course, who has the time?

When I was younger, I was a voracious reader. I would go to the library and check out 25 books at at time, and would return them in 2 weeks after I'd read them all. Babysitters Club, Sweet Valley Twins/High, books by Lurlene McDaniel, Little Women, the Anne of Green Gables series, and a Wrinkle in Time were some of my favorites. Oh, and R. L. Stine books too.

I would read while I was eating breakfast. I would read during study hall. I would read during silent reading (duh). I read while I had friends over (ok, poor social skills at work). In short, I loved having my nose in a book!

After I started college, reading books for pleasure took a backseat. Then even moreso in grad school. After my 2nd year in grad school, I couldn't remember the last time I'd picked up a book that was not related to schoolwork.

So I started reading again. And staying up late to finish books (oops!). I think one reason why I'm hesitant to read more often is because I get so wrapped up in the book, I can't put it down (Harry Potter, anyone?)

The first year I resolved to read more books, I read 24. The next year I read 22 books. After that it went downhill; In 2009, I only read 2 books the whole year. I was up to 11 last year, but hadn't read anything after June.

If you're wondering how I can come up with these numbers off the top of my head - I don't. I've got a very detailed book spreadsheet that details the books I've read, when I read them, books I own but haven't read, books I'm in the process of reading (and the percentage of the book I have finished), as well as goals for the year. I love being able to enter books in that spreadsheet.

Ebooks have become my new obsession. Any book written before 1900 is available through the Gutenberg project. Most are compatible with the kindle software for PC, which I have on my computer. You can download those directly from the Gutenberg project website or from Amazon.com for no cost. In addition, the local library also has ebooks that you can check out for up to 14 days. The titles are limited, but I read Michael J. Fox's latest book, Looking up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist using Adobe Digital Reader, which can be downloaded from the APL website or from adobe.com. I highly recommend the book as well.

So far this year, I've read 5. My goal for the year is 30. Doing really well on that goal so far. But besides its entertainment value (and bragging rights), does reading for fun have any other benefits?

Yes, it does. I find that when I read more books for pleasure, I'm likely to read more journal articles and am able to read and comprehend them faster. Also not having the tv on saves electricity :-)

Oh, and where do I find the time? I don't really watch much tv. I used to keep it on and mindlessly watch stupid shows, but what is the point? In 2 hours, I can have half a book read (assuming that I'm not reading War and Peace or something dense and cumbersome).

Currently reading The Partner by John Grisham. Think I'll get back to that...