the power of culture....

I've been back from Germany for about a month and a half now. The adjustment to living there took time. Surprisingly, so did the adjustment to coming back to the US.

It wasn't driving, or not walking everywhere that was hard to re-adjust to (although it was weird for a week or so). It was the changes in myself.

I came back from Germany a new person; with a new body (+20 lbs) and seemingly a new personality. I'm getting used to both right now. Not understanding the local language quiets even the most boisterous extrovert. Not to mention dampening my sense of humor...really hard to crack jokes in German if you don't actually speak, write or understand German.

Plus I've come back to a huge stack of medical bills...and an insurance company in which dropped me because I was "ineligible for coverage". They didn't determine that until I submitted a claim. Turns out I'm short one credit hour...and always have been! They never checked my enrollment, but issued me a new insurance card anyway. I'm gonna get a lawyer...if I can afford one. And I'm currently unemployed with no prospects on the horizon. *sigh*

I guess life could be a little (or a lot) easier right now. However, I'm with an amazing guy who makes everyday just a little bit easier...and a lot happier.

my life is never boring...

I managed to make my life even more exciting. Still moving all of my stuff into a storage unit, internship in Germany next month, still tons of stuff to do. Now I've got a new challenge: moving without being able to drive. I've lost my driving privileges for 6 months.

How did I do this? I had a seizure on Sunday night at my brother's apartment, 2+ hrs from home.

I feel fine. I'm sure that I'm not as freaked out as my brother and sister-in-law, who witnessed me seizing. Apparently I stopped talking mid-sentence, passed out, then started seizing. I managed to bite my tongue and turned blue. I woke up a minute or so later, rather confused. My brother told me that I had had a seizure. I told him I hadn't. I thought that we were just sitting on the kitchen floor then I got tired and laid down. My brother cleverly told me that the paramedics were friends of his so I didn't fight (I don't have great insurance, so this is gonna be hella expensive). I was so out of it, I totally believed him. I didn't understand it until I got into the ambulance.

I spent 2 days in the hospital, had a bunch of tests done and found nothing wrong. Seems to be a one-time deal. I'm feeling just fine, but irritated that I don't have as much independence as I would like.

Comfort foods

Its been so evident to me lately how strong the relationship is between food and memory. I've been finding myself seeking out foods that remind me of people I miss or pleasant situations. For my sister, it is sour gummy worms. I remember her eating an entire bag of them in the Walmart parking lot when we were younger. Whenever I eat any, I think of her.

For my brother, it is pizza rolls. Although I typically do not buy them myself; it only seems appropriate to take down half a box of them when we are hanging out.

This came to mind as I am eating a black bean veggie burger with ketchup, hold the bun. It reminds me of a friend I haven't seen in awhile, and the last time I did we had a great time together. Other things that reminds me of friends are cheese-filled garlic breadsticks, omelets, taco bell (numerous occasions and people), peanut butter cups, rum balls, lazy pancakes...and probably many more that I cannot remember at the moment.

Each time I eat any one of these foods I feel like these people are closer to me or I remember the situation in which we both consumed them or who would make them for me. Sometimes it causes me sadness, such as the softbatch chocolate cookies and sprite that my Grandpa would always have for us whenever we came over. He is no longer with us, but anytime I have either I think of him. I try to drink the sprite out of a plastic glass as he always served it to us. I've been missing him a lot lately, although it has been 9 years since he passed away. I know that he would be proud of all I've accomplished and excited that I would be going to Germany. He emigrated from there in 1929. He could help me with my German for sure :-)

I suppose I'm just feeling nostalgic and remembering that I have a lot of people that I miss. Food seems to help somewhat; feeling closer to those people brings up some memories and shenanigans that we engaged in :-)

And tomorrow is December...yikes!

Thanksgiving was great - I got to see friends and family...and eat a lot of food! Wish my brother and sister-in-law were there, but at least they live fairly close to me.

I leave for Germany in a little over a month. Wow! Still lots to do: the apartment, learning more German, random other stuff.

I'm excited to go, for sure. But I'm starting to think about how it will be to be away from everyone. Even at Thanksgiving, it is hard for me to leave my family and friends. I can't imagine how it is going to be to be thousands of miles (and an ocean between) from everyone I know. It's a little scary to think about.

I'm sure that I'll have a great time over there and I'll meet a lot of people. And there is internet and phone communication. Also, I'll be really busy, so perhaps I won't have much time to miss people?

And after a loong hiatus, I am back.

Wow, i really need to update more often. Let's see things that have happened since I last posted: summer, a good deal of the fall, a book chapter I wrote was published, I got an internship next semester, and I am unemployed (until January).

Starting with the later, I was really disappointed. I thought that a teaching position in the fall was all but guaranteed, but due to budget constraints, it was not to be. I totally understand the reason, and the department has come through for me countless other times, so I really can't be upset about it. I applied to every school in the area, however, and didn't even get an interview. I believe I can be upset about that. Yet i know that the economy sucks, whether for individuals or organizations...so I do understand the predicament many businesses are in. In addition, I applied to many random jobs in the area without so much as an interview. Thus, I am on unemployment. It's not enough, and I feel guilty about taking it, but it is something. And I need to eat. It was about to be revoked a few weeks ago, but luckily I won my appeal.

So, on to better things: the book chapter that I co-wrote is published! It's in a giant book on performance management. It is really cool to see my work in print!

And the biggest thing of all: the internship. But it is not just any internship, it is in Germany!!!! I've never been outside of the US or Canada and have always wanted to travel but never had the time or money to do so. It is a paid internship as well, so I'll be making (a little bit) of money; enough to get by over there. I'm rather excited, to say the least, but there are some loose ends to be taken care of before I leave. The biggest loose end is my apartment. What to do with it: sublet, put it all in storage????? I'm coming back before the end of the semester, so I might not find anyone to live here. And I'm not relishing the thought of packing up all of my belongings. But honestly, I could be living in a less expensive apartment. I guess I'll see how that goes.

The other big thing is learning German. I took 5 years of French; so my foreign language training is not helpful for me at all. Trying to teach myself and it is going ok thus far. I'm trying to put in a couple of hours a day. I didn't think I'd need to learn much, but apparently my roommate over there does not speak English. Yikes! And i want to be able to communicate with people there in general. The company I am interning for does 70% of their business in English, so I'll be okay there. I'm just a bit nervous about speaking a language that I have had no formal training in learning. Granted, I'll probably get through more than a semester's worth of German on my own - I can accelerate the process a bit; I'm willing to spend a good chunk of time everyday learning.

I'm sure that lots more has happened in 6ish months...I'll try to update more often...I promise!