So, so tired

My sleep schedule has been quite messed up lately. Like going to bed at 5:30am one night and get up at 4:30am another (not consecutive days, obviously). I've not been waking up early by choice, either. And today was no exception. It blows to get up at 5:45am while having gone to bed at 3:30am. And I didn't have to get up until 8:30-9am. I didn't really even sleep; I think with anxiety about the dissertation kept me up. Barely slept the night before either.

I've done some work already today. I think I am a good work-in-the-morning person, but not actually a morning person. This would be a fantastically wonderful thing that I've gotten stuff done already, but I'm going to be getting stuff done (or at least working on) until at least 9:30pm. That's what sucks about teaching at night and waking up early. The day is too long. Mondays aren't bad because I usually stroll in about 2 or 3pm. But Wednesdays I have an 11am meeting. Not so early really, but I usually will get there at 10am to prep and don't leave until at least 10pm, after I've taught and organized my things for the next day. So 12hrs of work in store for me. On no sleep. This should be fun.

Been trying to quell the anxiety I have about the dissertation. When I look at how well I've been sticking to my schedule the last couple of days, and making progress every day, I feel like I'm doing well. I just don't feel that I have that much to show for it. So on my terms, my evaluation, I'm doing quite well making progress, however slow. Slow is better than none, right? I still feel like a slacker during meetings though. It's not usually that I haven't worked on stuff, but that I don't really have much to explain. I often feel like the meetings are fairly unnecessary if all I'm going to say is that I've been reading, thinking and writing the lit review. I don't really have many questions to ask at this point that I shouldn't be able to figure out by reading more. And makes me kinda pissed to go in early just to say that. If I had to be there that early already, I wouldn't mind. But this gets me to school about 4 hours before I usually would.

I need to focus on the things that I am doing right, however slowly. I don't like meetings because I don't feel like I have much to show for the work I've done. It makes me feel a little ashamed. It's weird that I actually feel good about my dissertation in relation to my plans and goals. I feel that more is expected of me than that. I'd really like to stick to my own expectations right now, until I gain some confidence in my work and abilities.

I never knew I could sleep so late…

I'm so tired. Just finished teaching a couple of classes. Barely made it in time to teach today…and I teach at 1:45! I slept through all 3 of my alarms. When I woke up and looked at the clock is read 1:43. Yikes!! Luckily, I have still not turned my clocks back yet. Luckily, I was totally prepared for class; which is actually a rarity. So that was ok. And I managed to find a way to put up my hair so it looked like I had washed it. I just got up, got dressed and went to teach.

My body hates me for some reason…I'm all achy. I was going to run 5 miles last night…until I realized that I felt like crap (denial can be good sometimes) and had a (low-grade) fever. Apparently, the Mayo Clinic website says you should never exercise if you have a fever. So I didn't. I haven't run or done any sort of exercise since Monday!!! I rarely go that long between exercising. I'm not sure I'm going to be doing any exercise tonight either L. If I'm just tired, I should go and run. If I'm sick, then I shouldn't. Sometimes it is hard to tell. If I am just tired, running makes me feel better. I guess I'll see how I feel in a few hours. I may take a nap.

I'm not running tonight, am I?

Grad school fries your brain.

"Your appointment is 43 minutes overdue". Crap. It was sort of important.

I swear, I cannot remember anything for the life of me. The appointment I forgot today I've already rescheduled 3 times prior, twice at the last minute. I would have been fine if I'd been at my desk - my calendar reminds me 30 minutes ahead of time. But no, I was busy rudely interrupting people from their work to talk to me (I get lonely).

Journal articles don't talk back unless you have a really good imagination, are really sleep deprived, drunk and/or on crack. Then you can pretend that a bobblehead version of him/her is reading it out loud to you. If you've met the author at siop, a slight slurring of speech is evident and bobblehead may stagger across your desk

Ah, I/O action figures - just what the field needs to spice things up. How about I/O themed Pez dispensers that dispense caffeine pills instead of candy? Tim Judge dispenser is extra-strength.

A theory: I think that there is a curvalinear relationship of admiration and years in graduate school. After each milestone (thesis, comps), you are admired more and more. After a certain point, people cease to admire you. Being a 6th year is not impressive; its just sad.

Some good news: I may have the opportunity to teach an org behavior class in the mgmt department! Hopefully I'll get to teach it and at least one of the intro classes too. I'd really like to teach all 3, but I'm not sure that would be allowed.