Sometimes you just have an epiphany…

I realized, as I was washing the pile of dirty dishes (and shaking my booty to Usher), that I am happy. Happy. I'm happy with myself. I crack myself up that I feel so happy doing dishes (you'd think I'd do them more often; I often wait until I'm eating cereal out of my 4 quart mixing bowl).

Sometimes I feel like I'm behind in life. I've often been late to do things. Given my age (28), many of my friends are married and have children. That is a wonderful but I often wonder 2 things: 1) when the hell will I ever be ready for that?, or 2) it would really be nice to have that cozy little family; to be settled. Lately, I've been stuck on the latter. I've been in school, gotten a couple of degrees, but I haven't bound myself legally to someone nor created a person. I guess I don't think about it too much, but creating another human being? That's amazing.

I guess you could say I've been feeling a little lonely lately. I got out of a long-term relationship 5.5 months ago. I'm not really missing that particular relationship per say (wonderful guy, just not right for me), but having that comfort being part of a couple and all the benefits that it entails. I see everyone's Facebook pictures of their wedding, their adorable kids. At times I feel frivolous, that what I'm doing is not important. Some people are making humans and taking care of them; I'm typing on a computer to write a paper that's going to be read by no more than 10 people.

When I was a child, I always wanted to be older, to have more privileges, to stay up later, to drive, to live on my own. It had to be great to do anything you wanted to whenever you wanted. And of course, like everyone else, I enjoyed the freedom, but also realized all of the responsibilities I had once I was an adult. And eating Taco Bell every day for a week got a little old (actually, I'm surprised I survived a week of Toxic Hell).

Lately I've only been thinking about the responsibilities, the obligations, the expectations that being an independent adult entails. All the stuff that I have to do. Bills, getting jobs, cleaning my apartment, making myself look like a responsible adult. All of that. I've forgotten about that childhood dream about having the freedom to stay out as late as I want, eating candy for breakfast, and having my own car, my own mobility.

And since I do live alone, I can do all sorts of weird stuff that other people don't see. I can dance around my bedroom to whatever comes over the radio. And I can sing along (anyone that's ever heard me sing knows that they don't want to be in earshot. I could give some of the tragic American Idol contestants a run for their money). I can try out weird booty shaking moves that should never be done in public (although I usually end up breaking those out after several glasses of wine at a wedding. Unfortunate, especially if the lucky couple has a videographer). I can eat cereal for dinner and no one will say anything. I can watch "The Secret Life of the American Teenager" without shame.

I've luckily had the good fortune to be able to teach this semester. Yeah, some things/people can get annoying (usually minor), but I love to teach. And I love that I have an audience to spout off to for 6 hrs a week. And I always have stories. Teaching is ALWAYS ripe for stories whether it's something weird a student does/says or that I do. If any of my former students are reading you probably have witnessed a few of them. Most of the funniest things usually come from a ridiculous statement/question/request one-on-one or a disaster barely averted (usually wardrobe malfunction). I actually had 2 students from 2 different classes 4 years apart utter the statement, "I am a very mature 20." One of them was prefaced by "you're not that old". Oh dear.

I have of these possibilities and opportunities, both personal and professional. All of these things that I CAN DO and that I HAVE NOW. I'm living in the present for a change.

Now if I'll you excuse me, I'm off to have Hershey's kisses and Christmas Ale for dinner.

Sometimes, everything DOES go well

Today was one of these days, pretty much. Ok, not everything, but enough to make it a very, very good day. It started off with a phone call to the dean that I'm working with. Apparently, the editors of the book we're writing a chapter for wants us to be in a symposium at SIOP!!! Yay! I promised that I'd get him a 750 word summary (of our 30 page book chapter) by Friday. Guess what? I finished it today! 7 words under – 743 words, baby! Always good when I finish something on time, even better early! Ok, I was procrastinating my dissertation (as always), but productive procrastination is still productivity!

Secondly, I received my teaching assignments for the fall. Both of the classes I got were times that I wanted! Tuesday & Thursday 1:45-3:00 & 3:15-4:30. In the same buildings and both are tech rooms. Sweet! Also, I got an overview of Springboard, which seems really cool. I used WebCt before, but Springboard is so much better. They can do their homework online and there is an IM option (that I can turn off when I want to, luckily). I'm actually getting really excited to teach again J

One interesting thing about my class roster: it appears that I have the son of my former advisor in my class! Weird, not sure what to do about that.

Olympics have been awesome too! I saw the 800 free relay and watched the US break the world record by almost 5 seconds and win the gold medal (Michael Phelp's 5^th). I love watching swimming…it takes me back to high school. I swam all 4 years, co-captain senior year. I wasn't very good, but I loved it. I'm so happy that swimming is getting more attention – it's an awesome sport, and people don't realize how dedicated swimmers need to be. Even in high school, it was really intense – 6 days a week. We had practice 5:30am – 6:45am and from 2:30pm - 6pm. TTH we lifted and ran in the morning instead of swimming. Saturdays, we'd swim from 6am – 9am. We had meets 2 days a week usually too. I was definitely in the best shape of my life…I ate soo much junk food though. After the meets, we'd have a huge buffet of snacks and desserts. We'd gorge ourselves and then go to McDonalds or Taco Bell afterward! We could eat 4000 calories a day and not gain weight. Ah, those were the days.