And I wonder why people younger than me call me sweetie

Drive thru interaction.

"I'll have a #3"
"Coffee with that, right?"
"Um, no. Actually I'll um have apple juice.

Apple juice comes in a colorful juice box with Ronald McDonald. I wanted to say that I drink the hard stuff; Coffee gots nothing against 100% apple juice

Comfort foods

Its been so evident to me lately how strong the relationship is between food and memory. I've been finding myself seeking out foods that remind me of people I miss or pleasant situations. For my sister, it is sour gummy worms. I remember her eating an entire bag of them in the Walmart parking lot when we were younger. Whenever I eat any, I think of her.

For my brother, it is pizza rolls. Although I typically do not buy them myself; it only seems appropriate to take down half a box of them when we are hanging out.

This came to mind as I am eating a black bean veggie burger with ketchup, hold the bun. It reminds me of a friend I haven't seen in awhile, and the last time I did we had a great time together. Other things that reminds me of friends are cheese-filled garlic breadsticks, omelets, taco bell (numerous occasions and people), peanut butter cups, rum balls, lazy pancakes...and probably many more that I cannot remember at the moment.

Each time I eat any one of these foods I feel like these people are closer to me or I remember the situation in which we both consumed them or who would make them for me. Sometimes it causes me sadness, such as the softbatch chocolate cookies and sprite that my Grandpa would always have for us whenever we came over. He is no longer with us, but anytime I have either I think of him. I try to drink the sprite out of a plastic glass as he always served it to us. I've been missing him a lot lately, although it has been 9 years since he passed away. I know that he would be proud of all I've accomplished and excited that I would be going to Germany. He emigrated from there in 1929. He could help me with my German for sure :-)

I suppose I'm just feeling nostalgic and remembering that I have a lot of people that I miss. Food seems to help somewhat; feeling closer to those people brings up some memories and shenanigans that we engaged in :-)

I, uh…um…can’t explain that

That's not something a teacher should say whilst teaching. Not for something that is in the book, that is on the freaking exam review, that I know and prepared for. I ended up letting my second class out 25 minutes early because I simply couldn't do my job. Yeah, I can have a bad day. This was much more than a bad day. Considering my students work full-time and go to school, have families, etc. I at the very least could do my job well.

The culprit? Probably lack of food. I woke up late and scurried to school and worked all day, then taught. It wasn't until one of my students asked me what I ate earlier until I realized that I hadn't had anything but a couple of chocolate heart left over for valentines day. That's it. I forgot to eat. All day. I didn't feel hungry at all. Didn't even have brain fatigue…it just stopped working.

Geez.

So, it’s Tuesday night/Wednesday morning…

And I am up. I've been staying up ridiculously late…basically because I can. Then wake up ridiculously late, get to school at 2pm while feeling like a lazy schmuck. I then stay at school until 10:30 or so. 8 ½ hours of work isn't lazy schmuck-ish, but work that is done during the day seems to be more highly valued. People forget I go home at the time they go to bed and figure I head out at 4:30pm just like the most of the department. In actuality, no one probably notices/cares; 6^th year students are banished to the other side.

Actually, I get to school at 11am on Wednesdays for a meeting that I am rarely sufficiently prepared for. I spent all of the time in my office before I taught on Monday (a good 3 ½ hours) on teaching stuff. So I was going to work on my dissertation after. However, when I got back to my office at 9:30pm I was really, really tired. I stayed for another 45 minutes…working on teaching stuff.

Tuesday I was supposed to either 1) go to my office and work all day, or 2) stay at home and work all day. My subconscious, however picked option 3: Stay at home with articles sitting next to you without actually looking at them or open any written documents related to the dissertation while watching TV. After hearing of the monstrous snow storm expected (12-18", yo!) then 1) called Mom to complain, and 2) went grocery shopping. Majority of purchases were healthy and now she can sustain herself for the next day or so while potentially trapped in apartment (lol). I did need milk and *could* have used groceries, but I went out like I was going to starve to death if I didn't buy more food. I also spent 20 minutes putting on makeup, including eyeliner (which I rarely have the patience to put on and typically rub my eye and unknowingly smear it all over my face). I need to look my best while perusing the perishables.

Got back, watched a few episodes of Scrubs, wrote in my journal for awhile, chatted online, and ate dinner. Have no idea where rest of the time went. Suddenly around 11:30pm I started feeling a bit anxious. Somehow I didn't have the most productive of days. Therefore, I needed to polish my nails. Red. I haven't had polished nails since October and that was because of my sister's wedding. And when I do wear polish, it's usually like a really pale pink; the kind you can wear after half of it is chipped off without it looking horrible. Red is a bit high maintenance. I don't even wear red on my toes!

So they are polished. And they make my hands look even paler than they are which are quite ghostly. And seem a bit formal. While I've been a brunette, a blond, and a redhead (more auburn really) in the past year, somehow painting my nails red seems too attention-grabbing.

Yes, I've spent this long thinking about it. Why? I have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow/today. I don't feel as prepared as I should be. I have done work, quite a bit actually, but nothing actually written…and not a whole lot considering hypotheses and whatnot. Been reading, thinking a little…still no real "proof" that I've been working. Gahhh!!! School may be canceled tomorrow, but I'm probably obligated to at least send an email about my ideas/what I've been working on. And no, I don't think attaching this blog would be a good way of showing proof of productivity.

So, I'm still up and compulsively eating a good deal of the groceries I bought earlier (See, I really did need to go shopping!) I've almost clicked on one of the several documents that contain ideas/writing dealing with my dissertation. However, I must check my friend stocks on Facebook, and then catch up on the PhD comics. So yeah, I'll probably be up all night. If the university doesn't close, I'll be really screwed.

Cheerios for dinner

I'm a seriously exciting person. On this fine Saturday night, I am sitting alone on my apartment. I am eating cheerios (yogurt burst) and drinking dr. pepper (diet) for dinner. I've hit a new level of lame.

And I’m home

I've finally made it back to my parent's house. I hadn't been here since Christmas. And I was all drugged out then too – I had just had surgery. Have had a chance to hang out with my sis & bro. And the cats – I consider my sister's cats to be my nephews. Mister is quite the lady's man; he took the chance to scratch his ears on my chest – twice!

I always feel like a little kid when I come home. For example, I got in about an hour ago (1am) and was very careful not to wake anyone. Partially, this is common courtesy. But I think I still have some teenage instinct left in me – I'm afraid to wake the rents (mind you, I'm 28). Old habits die hard, I guess.

No internet at home either, unless I can catch one of the neighbors' unsecured networks. It's so weird not to have internet. I'm totally addicted – I spend way too much time in front of the computer as it is. For instance, I'm typing in the dark at 2am to get my boring thoughts down so I can post this soon.

Also, I'm starving. I've eaten plenty, however. Every time I go home, the same thing happens. I guess there isn't enough "wendy food" around. I don't think I'm that picky, but I must be. I'm used to eating what I like, and I eat pretty low fat and vegetarian a lot of the time. I'm not a vegetarian (I like bacon too much), but I tend to eat like one. My family, on the other hand is very meat & potatoes. Veggie sausage is just not on the menu at home.

Must go to sleep now. Hopefully I'll have something more exciting to report then. Or at least a good story.

ok, ok, stay calm

Not doing that very well right now. totally avoiding the thought of dissertation. Have eaten so much crap today, I've probably gained 5 lbs. On 2nd little bag of cheetos. Don't know what to do. ok, i know exactly what to do; it just makes me too nervous to do it.

Also, there is a great deal of uncertainty in my life right now. I can't think of anything that I'm absolutely 100% certain of. Nothing. That's scary as hell. Not one thing. I could view it as exciting (if i were an optimist) and an opportunity. But right now, i just feel like I'm aimlessly floating around, going in no particular direction. Little things, big things, it doesn't matter. I'm unsure about what to do. Sometimes it makes me want to jump back into bed...although I'd get really bored :) i generally need to do something more active, like run. Currently watching Scrubs - not exactly motivating me to do anything else. I should go to my office, starbucks, borders. Anything but sit here and eat cheetos. It's pathetic.

i always hated people with endless excuses. Coworkers, teammates, students. Excuses, excuses, excuses. Now i feel like I'm one of those people - trying to explain mediocre work all of the time. I need to focus, get into stuff. it works better that way; if i can shake off this insecurity and anxiety. But for now at least, more cheetos. Yum.