I'm being productive....writing this list counts as productivity, right?

You know you’ve been in graduate school too long when…

You start telling people outside of school that it’s taking you so long to finish because you’re doing a “pre-doc”.

When you speak of your cohort, no one has ever heard of them.

You speak of buildings on campus that no longer exist.

When master’s students graduate, you get jealous, even though you already have the same degree.

Your former students finish graduate school before you do.

When you no longer go to the recruitment luncheon because you figure you’re leaving soon and they’ll never get to know you. In reality, they graduate before you.

When the faculty bar you from all contact with prospective students because you will scare them by your bitter ways.

When “I can sleep in as late as I want” is no longer a satisfying response to your friend that just told you they bought a new house/got a raise/had a baby/etc.

You miss taking classes.

Your office is relocated to a room at the end of a very long hallway. It is labeled “supply closet”. Your red swingline stapler is repossessed as well.

You carry around your dissertation articles in a laundry basket.

When you have to meet with your advisor in secret locations because he doesn’t want anyone else to know that it is he who has the 13th year graduate student.

When 3 different presidents have been elected and all of them served 2 terms.

When even your landlord starts wants you to be done and move out; the rest of the building was remodeled 3 years ago.

When the new assistant professor graduated high school during your 3rd year of grad school.

When people referred to you as ABD, they don’t mean all but dissertation; they mean “a big disaster”.

When you are spending your time writing this list instead of your dissertation