Still not quite there

Ok, it's Saturday afternoon, and I still haven't sent in my mini-proposal. I was able to do some work on it yesterday, however. Not enough to finish. I've started using a timer in 5 minute increments – I figured I could tolerate it for 5 minutes. I ended up working longer than that, but I got distracted by some other things and stopped the whole interval thing. To calm my worries (at least a little) I wrote them down and possible responses to them:

• I'm afraid the idea will suck and it will be incomplete
  
  • Of course it will be incomplete – it's a very rough first draft
    
  • Advisor can help me find more hypotheses and clarify the methodology
    
• That my writing will be bad and I won't be able to convey my ideas.
  
  • Advisor can ask questions and I will try to explain them better.
    
• Since I turned this in late, that it must be thoroughly thought out and well-written.
  
  • Can't turn it in on time now – I missed that boat on Wednesday
    
  • More important to turn SOMETHING in than worry about perfection.
    
• I'm afraid of all of the things wrong with my idea; all of the weaknesses
  
  • Shouldn't worry about this now; will refine later
    
  • Every study has weaknesses
    
• I forget that I don't have to do this all on my own
  
  • I'm not used to having an advisor to meet with me and help me.
    
    • I need to remember that he is there to help and advise; he is not my adversary, he is my ally.
      

I know I should do it today, but I have a BBQ to go to (priorities – I'll be meeting some of the newbies!) and I have to get ready – it already started. I managed to bake some cookies – chocolate and peanut butter chip (yummy) so I have something to bring.

I haven't emailed my advisor either to tell him why it's late – I figure I've given him too many excuses already. I really should, but I really can't tell him the truth (that working on it terrifies me, he intimidates me, and that I'm lazy). I really need to get this done….