Monday, November 8, 2010

it's my life and I'll cry if i want to

The last couple of weeks have been stressful to say the least. There is some ambiguity in my current health status, although hopefully test will show a conclusive diagnosis. And there is the all-important question: How will I pay for all of this?

Like most people, I've developed a lot of anxiety over money. Money has been tight for some time; no employment will do that to people. I can't imagine finding a way to pay for medical expenses at this time. Even a small payment plan seems daunting.

And my dissertation is suffering from this. I think I'm using illness as an excuse not to work on it very much. I'm still doing it every day (yesterday was day 8), but not much work at all. Much less than I could do.

After a poor night's sleep complete with nightmares, I succumbed to a crying fit. And guess what? I felt better afterward. I know people mean well when they tell someone not to cry, but sometimes it is precisely what is needed. The act of crying isn't a horrible thing; the sadness, anxiety and frustration is what is bad. So what if a good cry is needed to refocus? Sometimes, it is exactly what I need.

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