So I was talking on the phone today and was asked the customary "How are you?" By reflex I replied, "Great!"
Except I wasn't great. The follow up, "How are you feeling?" kinda blew my cover. Although I wasn't intentionally hiding anything.
So how I'm a feeling? Terrible, to be honest. I'm in pain more often and I am afraid to eat much, lest it causes more pain. I also had the realization that I am not improving. I've been getting worse in the last week. Today, it hurt to drink water. Water. Digesting water should not be a big deal, much less cause pain. That concerns me quite a bit. I can go on eating very little for quite some time...or at least until my dr's appointment in 2 weeks. I cannot, however, go without drinking liquid until then. A few days without drinking = hospital. Luckily I did manage to get down more water and a little bit of food. I have some pain, but it is not too bad. I really, really want to avoid the hospital. I'm hoping to be able to eat at least a little on Thanksgiving, but not going to push it. Too much pain and I'll have to go back to liquids only.
I am very much looking forward to going home for thanksgiving and seeing my family and friends. I am not, however, looking forward to driving the 3.5 hrs to get there. My level of fatigue is ridiculous. Just going to the drugstore today wiped me out. Taking a shower wipes me out. I am ridiculously tired all of the time. My brain isn't functioning well - my dissertation has gone over a week without me even opening the document.
I'm getting very tired of not being able to do things and any possible plans that come up i have to say, "I'll have to see how I feel". And most of the time, I feel terrible. Sometimes my goal for the day is to leave my apartment. I don't always achieve that goal.
I can't wait until I feel well enough to go to the gym, go for a hike, go out to dinner, go to school...without worrying that I'll end up in pain or so exhausted I won't be able to get back home.
And my brain has stopped working. I had more to write, but i can't remember what it was
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