Rules for gym, grad student edition

Rules to exercise by:

1. If you are wearing a sweatshirt and working out without sweating profusely, I hate you.
   
2. If you have to hold onto the railings of the treadmill, you are going too fast. Especially if you are holding on to the front railing and your feet are at the end of the treadmill.
   
3. Bulking up so much your arms no longer touch your sides is not attractive. Really.
   
4. If I'm gasping for breath, it is not the time to answer your questions, much less explain the difference between unconscious and preconsicious.
   
5. New treadmills shouldn't confuse me…and beep every time a key is pressed. This makes me feel old.
   
6. If the treadmill feels unstable and is loud when walking, don't run on it… for 20 minutes
   
7. People should NOT wear dirty gym clothes. The difference between old sweat and new sweat is noticeable. I have to go to a laundromat to wash my clothes, and I manage clean clothes for the gym. When running outside, however, feel free to reuse…as long as you are running solo.
   
8. If you decide to douse yourself in fragrance, use good cologne (men). No perfume for women. Yes, I have a double standard. I'm a sucker for men's cologne
   
9. If there are earbuds in my ears, assume I can't hear you. At the gym, they pretty much always are, so use exaggerated hand motions to get my attention
   
10. If you decide to talk on the phone while working out, be aware that 1) people will hate you, 2) people will know all of your business.
    
11. Don't drop your heavy weights on the floor. It scares the crap out of me and everyone else.
    
12. If I have underwear that covers more than your shorts (and I don't wear grannies), they are too short. Also might want to make sure there is no ass cheek exposure. Keep in mind that you'll be moving and clothing will shift.
    
13. Don't assume that I'm looking in your general direction that I'm looking at you. I have limited view from the treadmill, and I am usually watching tv.
    
14. Don't stand right behind me while I am running. I assume you are looking at my ass. I don't like that.
    
15. Do NOT, I repeat do not EVER make fun of anyone because of their size.
    
16. Wipe down the equipment. Seriously. Even if you don't think you sweat.
    
17. If you are one of my students, it is appropriate to 1) wave, 2) say hi, or 3) ignore me completely. If you are one of my former students there is option 4): you can approach and chat for a minute.
    
18. Don't make fun of how slow I'm running.
    
19. Lighten up on your landing when running on the treadmill. Be light on your feet – it is better for them anyway.
    
20. When filling up your water bottle, use the lower water fountain. Especially if there 6 people behind you.
    
21. Similar to 20, if you are using the big fountain, don't block the little fountain. A few people will drink out of it (i.e. me)
    
22. Note to vending machine people: don't let everything besides fruit punch be sold out until it is refilled. Especially the Gatorade.
    
23. When running on the indoor track, you don't have to stay in my lane so you pass me by the smallest possible margin. If I can smell the fabric softener on your clothes when the sleeve of your t-shirt touches my face, you are passing to close.
    
24. Some of us sweat profusely. We can't help it. We'll wipe up after ourselves (at least I will)
    
25. Women lift weights too. This does not mean that men should approach and "help" if not asked. Most of the time, we know what we are doing. Scram.
    

I wrote this awhile ago, but felt it especially appropriate for new year's resolutions.