What to write about? Writing?

I just spent the last 30 minutes composing a blog expressing my frustrations about my students and their inability to read and follow directions. However, that made me more pissed off, so I'm not going to publish it. It's not really what I to wanted to write about. Besides, I'll have more complaints tomorrow after I've received the outlines ;)

What I wanted to write about….actually, I don't know. Good things, I guess. Funny things…although I might be all out of funny for the evening.

Hmm, start with things I like: puppies, fuzzy robes, sweatpants, wasabi peas, Great Lakes Octoberfest (sipping on now), getting my hair done, hugs, running, clipping coupons (glossy paper is fun to cut with sharp scissors). Writing anything not school related. Bunnies mistaken for cats (That cat walks funny….it was a bunny!!!). comments about my facebook status. Sleeping in. random emails.

Writing; I'll go back to that. I have a love/hate relationship with writing. I am terrible at writing academic stuff. And I know that I'm bad at it because I think I am and worry that other people think I should be a much better writer for being in school so long. So writing things such as theses and dissertations are anxiety-wrought events. Generally, the result isn't that bad, and is sometimes even good, but the whole process is horrible for me.

Writing for other reasons; emails, blogs, journaling, etc. I don't care so much how people perceive me – I just write. I know my grammar isn't always the best, and I don't feel like writing all of the time. But I don't let fear of evaluation and self-doubt get in my way. I need to find a way to harness this for my dissertation. I just need to write when I've got ideas, not being afraid that something I write is going to suck, is implausible, is horribly explained.

I've written a lot of poetry/prose as well. That I can write, but I find it difficult to share. It is so personal that I feel like it is letting someone look at a small piece of my life with a magnifying glass. Almost like seeing my soul. Sometimes I feel like I want to share, but the subjects are so personal. They are either love/lost love/lust and/or are very sad. Mostly experiences I've had.

My dissertation is not personal…why do I feel like it is just as revealing?

Ah, I'm up too late again. I've actually been pretty good the last couple of nights. I need to go to bed…