Yet, it still happens. I kinda fell apart today. And I'm still in my office, although no longer crying (yes, I admit it – I was sniveling in my office with the lights out for awhile). I'm trying to avoid the tear-stained face exit. I wish I had a trap door. I find it interesting that I can admit to people that I've been crying in my office, but not actually show people.
It is cold (for august – low 60s), dreary, and raining outside. I am also sick. The latter in and of itself will often make me bawl. I've gone from pretending I have no commitments, to reality where I am accountable to a lot of people. I can't just up and leave – I've got meetings tomorrow and Friday and I have to teach 2 classes tomorrow. I'm completely overwhelmed.
After the meeting where I admitted I haven't really done much work on my dissertation this summer (which went badly on my part), I hid in my office. And felt sorry for myself because of the state of my dissertation, because I have no one to take care of me (even though I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself) when I'm sick, stroke my hair as I sleep. Actually, I do have someone that would - I just shouldn't ask him to. He was trying to help today. He used to be the first one I called whenever I felt bad. Even before I'd dealt with it myself. I can't have him help right now. I hope he understands that it would be bad for both of us. Trust me, it would.
I've really got to get myself out of this office, get myself some dinner, and stop feeling sorry for myself. I haven't really cried in awhile, and I can't really stop today for some reason. Everything will be okay. It will. It always is. I need to remember this. And I need to laugh. I always feel better when I laugh.
To anyone that is reading: Sorry I'm such a downer today.
1 comment:
I'm feeling better now. Sorry to freak everyone out!
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