So, I'm home. All of my stuff is still here (yay!) and so are the messes (boo!). Kinda tired right now but a few highlights on the drive:
Fangboner Rd (mile 91 on I-80 in ohio)
Welcome to Ohio…
(next sign)
Welcome Center: 48 miles
My head is fried right now…I'll update more later.
So, was at my parent's late Friday until early Sunday. Got to eat, go shopping. Fun stuff. I decided go on a whim – gathered up a week's worth of stuff and got out of there. I'm in Chicago now for a couple of days. However, I still feel like driving around after that. Not sure even where to go. I just want to go. I need to remember, however, that I need to drive myself back as well!!!
I love the feeling of having no strings: at least for this week. No one needs me in Akron; no pets, people, or even plants J I am totally free! It's not too often that I can actually say that. Different story next week, as the semester starts and I will be teaching 2x a week. Luckily, it will be the middle of the week, so I'll still have time for road trips...hopefully.
Today was one of these days, pretty much. Ok, not everything, but enough to make it a very, very good day. It started off with a phone call to the dean that I'm working with. Apparently, the editors of the book we're writing a chapter for wants us to be in a symposium at SIOP!!! Yay! I promised that I'd get him a 750 word summary (of our 30 page book chapter) by Friday. Guess what? I finished it today! 7 words under – 743 words, baby! Always good when I finish something on time, even better early! Ok, I was procrastinating my dissertation (as always), but productive procrastination is still productivity!
Secondly, I received my teaching assignments for the fall. Both of the classes I got were times that I wanted! Tuesday & Thursday 1:45-3:00 & 3:15-4:30. In the same buildings and both are tech rooms. Sweet! Also, I got an overview of Springboard, which seems really cool. I used WebCt before, but Springboard is so much better. They can do their homework online and there is an IM option (that I can turn off when I want to, luckily). I'm actually getting really excited to teach again J
One interesting thing about my class roster: it appears that I have the son of my former advisor in my class! Weird, not sure what to do about that.
Olympics have been awesome too! I saw the 800 free relay and watched the US break the world record by almost 5 seconds and win the gold medal (Michael Phelp's 5th). I love watching swimming…it takes me back to high school. I swam all 4 years, co-captain senior year. I wasn't very good, but I loved it. I'm so happy that swimming is getting more attention – it's an awesome sport, and people don't realize how dedicated swimmers need to be. Even in high school, it was really intense – 6 days a week. We had practice 5:30am – 6:45am and from 2:30pm - 6pm. TTH we lifted and ran in the morning instead of swimming. Saturdays, we'd swim from 6am – 9am. We had meets 2 days a week usually too. I was definitely in the best shape of my life…I ate soo much junk food though. After the meets, we'd have a huge buffet of snacks and desserts. We'd gorge ourselves and then go to McDonalds or Taco Bell afterward! We could eat 4000 calories a day and not gain weight. Ah, those were the days.
I'm back home after spending the week in b'ham doing assessments. Met some really cool people, per usual. I didn't get a chance to get to know them as I well as I would have liked to, however. Still, it was a pretty good trip (despite food poisoning!). I managed to get back on time, and US Air didn't lose my bag (I've never had one get lost – but I have a phobia of checking baggage)! Come to think of it, they didn't even charge me for checking it! Traveling to & from b'ham went as scheduled!!! I can't remember the last trip I've taken without at least one (usually severely) delayed flight.
One small incident, however. My flight left at 8am, and I caught the hotel shuttle at 6. Going to sleep early the night before didn't pan out, so I was really sleepy. I fell asleep immediately on the first flight – like right when I sat down; I don't even remember taking off. I do, however, remember landing. That's when I woke up…when we landed (and I was asleep leaning on the window) I slid forward and hit my head on the seat in front of me. Not hard, mind you, but enough to make my seatmate chuckle (and tried to stifle it; how polite). Apparently, I fell asleep so fast I forgot to tighten the seatbelt. Ooops.
I'm still in b'ham. I managed to get food poisoning on Monday. Of course, I had to order the biggest sushi/sashimi combo that the restaurant had. Apparently, bad idea. I'd been feeling pretty bad the last couple of days. Thus, I've been spending a lot of my time in my hotel room (i.e. not going out and meeting new people) – although I have managed to do all of my assessments. Thus, I am alone. Alone time means think time. Think time means sad time. Feeling bad physically makes it much worse.
I hadn't been able to work out (run) in 2 days. People have told me recently that I really must be dedicated to work out so often. I don't think about it that way. Dedication is very controlled, very prescribed, focused and goal-oriented. That's not how I feel before I go for a run. I feel the need to run. I feel out of control. I feel like I need my body to keep pace with all of the thoughts going through my head. When I'm running, I feel like they match. After I'm done, all of the bad thoughts aren't always erased, but almost always more manageable. I'm calmer. I feel at least like I accomplished SOMETHING. Luckily, I was able to run today.
Especially now, when I have a lot on my mind, I've needed to work out every day just to keep my emotions in check. Oh, and of course I've cried. I just get to a point where it the crying seems to feed itself. Trust me, I'm a big proponent of getting my feelings out, but there comes a point in which crying is no longer helpful. I'm going to feel sad. I'm going to cry. That's okay. I'm just not going to let it consume me. There are too many other good things in life I'll miss out on if I feel sad & guilty all of the time.
So, this blog is *supposed* to be about grad school, so maybe I should just say that I'm totally stalled on my dissertation (on my end, not my advisor's). I think I just need to spend the last couple of the weeks of summer not working. I'm not focused right now and sitting at my desk for 8 hours staring at my computer screen and checking facebook every 15 minutes is not increasing my self-efficacy. I just want to do the absolute bare minimum to prepare for teaching and not worry about school for a few weeks. I thought that perhaps work may be a distracter, but it's not working well. I can't seem to pour myself into my work and become a workaholic. A workoutaholic maybe. But not a workaholic. I'll start fresh the beginning of the fall semester. I just don't want to feel like I'm failing anymore.
Difficult situations are not fun, but it really makes me feel grateful for all of my friends and support that I have. It continually surprises me how many people come forward when I'm having difficulty in my life. I am unbelievably lucky to have all of you. Thank you. I love all of you.
I'm in b'ham – been here since yesterday afternoon. New folks are cool, definitely will have fun. Got some work to do this week though.
I've managed to totally overdo it at the hotel gym. My arms are killing me? Why, I don't know. I usually use 8lb weights for most arm exercises. I used 5lb weights today. Granted, I haven't done weight work as often as is should, but I get a session in once a week at the least. It even hurts to type. I need to dry my hair, but I'm not sure if my arms will hold out! Seriously, I should not be this sore!
May go out – I missed out on dinner since I spent so much time at the gym. Had to work out though – I always feel better if I do. That way I can eat cookies tomorrowJ.
Boring stuff today – maybe I'll have great stories tomorrow…
After reading the last couple of posts, I realize how negative I seemed about everything. I don't really feel that way all of the time. I think I blog at times that I am frustrated (or bored). I am really in a better mood than it seems. Still very jaded about school but I am about to start my 10th year of post high school education (i.e. 22nd grade). If I wasn't jaded by now, there would be something seriously wrong with me.
In other news, it appears that I've been selected for early admission to an exclusive group. The letter came with plastic membership card. What selective group, you ask? AARP. Yes, that is the old people club. Usually the age is 50, but I guess I get to join 22 years early. I'm thinking about sending in the $12.50 membership fee to make it official. I'd get the senior coffee at McDonalds...and it comes with a magazine! I'm seriously thinking about it – maybe I'd be the youngest ever member of AARP…world record, anyone? So tempting. Now I'm really thinking about it. I could totally be a media whore and it could be one of those weird news stories. I wonder how many calls to media outlets that would take…..hmmmm…
Aww, it asks for my date of birth on the membership form. I could right over "Prefer not to answer", or better yet "None of your damn business!". How about "a lady never reveals her age"? Or I could write a letter yammering on about the lack of privacy these days and how rude it is to ask for so much personal information. If I get denied, I could call them and call them out for age discrimination. My sister's a lawyer, maybe we could sue…ok, ok I'm getting a bit carried away. But seriously, this AARP card has made my day. And I wouldn't being true to my authentic self if I don't get carried away with stuff.
