I've got this summer to get the proposal in tip-top shape and ready to propose. Some days, it doesn't sound so daunting. Other days, it seems like climbing Mt Everest would be easier. Today is a Mt Everest day. The whole thing is a major disaster, but what is most bothering me is the progress I should have made in the past few years. I know I need to let that go. I need to let it go to be effective, to stop it from dragging me down. Lately, every time I work on it, I have a tremendous amount of guilt from all of the things I haven't done...and all of the things my classmates have done. I am happy for them - but many of them have started years after me, and I am ashamed of my own lack of progress.
If I don't make enough progress this summer, it might be the end of the road for me. That has motivated me at times, specifically last week. Today it is weighing me down. I need to remember that I finished my thesis and passed comps and I wasn't especially confident I would be successful at either. Neither accomplishment was pretty, but I finished it. This dissertation process is not ugly, grotesque even, but I'm hoping to finish it. I just need to find my mojo and some self-efficacy. Anyone have any to spare?
2 comments:
Hey Wendy, Its your old buddy, Valerie. I just wanted to pass along something that I learned when it came time for my proposal and defense: Don't do your committee's work for them. No matter what, your committee will find some fault with your dissertation because that is their job. Even if you won the Nobel Prize, your committee would find some misspelled word. The more you agonize over it, the madder you will be when they point out the stupidest indiscretions. Don't make it perfect, just write down your story, turn it in, and let them tell you how to fix it. And yes, let go of the guilt. It doesn't get you anywhere. Its easier said than done, but you got yourself this far. There is no reason why you can't go the distance. Have some faith in yourself--I believe in you. Good luck!
You can do it--hang in there!
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