I should probably update this….

Not that there is a whole lot to update, in terms of big stuff. I am alive and (mostly) well. It is flu season, after all.

My teaching evaluation weren't bad. I apparently "always look tired" and am sometimes "boring". And "seems nervous" on occasion. That was the worst of it. Several people wrote "she's a great teacher" and one wrote "she's great!". The rest was mostly complaints about the class; stuff I have no control over, such as homeworks & tests. I don't make up either of these. At first glance, it's much easier for me. But the questions are horrible, some are pretty unfair.

A couple of years ago, I taught a social psych class where I was allowed to do pretty much anything I wanted. Making up tests is difficult. It takes a lot of time to make them representative of the content as well as creating questions that are challenging but fair. And there were a few questions I would throw out after the test was taken if many people missed it due to vagueness or improper wording. I was the one responsible, and I was the one in charge. Now…not so much. That associate lecturer title isn't a sweet as it seems….I am a faculty member (part-time) yet I have little control over the class I teach. This is a function of the way this particular course is set up…but still. I'll be teaching a different class in the spring; one that I have not taught before. Prepping a new class is a lot of work, but I'd rather spend more time teaching and testing material in the way I choose.

Reading teaching evaluations requires pizza…and maybe beer

So, I got back my mid-term evaluations today. I haven't opened the file folder yet…I'm a little scared. I know I'm not a bad teacher, but I could be better. There are many more things I could do be a better teacher – some feasible, some not.

We get both numerical ratings (1-5 scale) and written comments. It's not the numerical ratings that generally bother me, it's the comments. Even if I have mostly positive comments, one really negative one will upset me. The negative comments, however, are also the most useful…once the sting goes away. Others are just inaccurate; generally from students that never come to class.

Negative feedback is very useful, but I always have to read them, be mad/upset about the bad ones, and then put them away. I'll get them out a couple of days later so I can see what I can improve upon once I have a clear head. I hope that they are going to be useful, and they are about things I can actually do something about. I'm happy that we do mid-term evals; I can actually change some things before the end of the semester.

I'll just wait for my pizza to be delivered before I start looking at them…

Hopefully I'll have some interesting ones to post later….

“It’s been a DECADE!!!”

This was the response one of my high school classmates made after I told him I was still in school. I also had the joy of explaining to people exactly what industrial/organizational psychology is. For those of you also in this field, you know how tiring this gets. After a while, I began saying "psychology" when people asked what I was going to school for. Of course, I got the "you're analyzing me right now, aren't you?". Or asked what kind of therapy I was going to do. *sigh*. Someone needs to come up with a generic response to the question, "What does an I/O psychologist do?" in 2 sentences or less, in a way that everyone will understand what you mean. If you do come up with something, do share.

Really, this didn't annoy me that much. Most people thought it was cool that I was getting my PhD...or at least that it wasn't pathetic to still be in school (including the classmate mentioned above; he was joking). I had an awesome time catching up with people. People actually remembered me too; I wasn't sure that they would.

It was not an "official" reunion, but it was good to reconnect with those who were there. As I suspected, many people were married and a good number had children as well. There were a few of us that were single (thankfully – I needed people that could relate). And I revealed a crush I had in elementary school (had to get it off my chest; I've kept the secret for 16 years!).

At the end of the night, 8 of us ended up at Coney Island. It was the weirdest combination of people to be hanging out – it never would have happened in high school! It was hilarious! I also learned that a Hani with bacon is awesome…are there any National Coney Islands in OH?

Nope, I just looked at their website. Bummer.

A post where I mention “crotch” too much…almost as much as John McCain said “my friends” in the last debate. Enjoy.

The other day, in an attempt to avoid embarrassment, I checked to make sure my fly was zipped…as I was walking out of the bathroom. I run into one of my students. He looked down and then gave me a funny look. He happened to catch me at the very moment I had my hand on my crotch! Lovely. Now which is more embarrassing: an open fly or people seeing you grab your crotch?

This is not an isolated incident. I have a tendency to pull up my pants as I am walking in the hall, after leaving my office. So I risk the department chair/advisor/other professors/grad students/former students/current students/random people catching me yanking up my pants by the belt loops. If they are exceptionally lucky, perhaps they'd witness both the yanking of the pants accompanied by the individual leg shake (left 1^st, then right). You know, it makes the belt loop yank twice as effective at making the crotch of my pants line up with my actual crotch. Especially if the pants are a wee bit tight in the thigh (damn quads) and a wee bit loose in the waist. Whenever I am caught, I immediately let go of the pants and put my hands up (I wasn't doing anything…honest!) or pretend I was looking for something in my pocket (often while muttering "where the hell are my keys"). Either way…AWKWARD!

That reminds me of another incident involving a student (not involving my crotch, thankfully). Some of you may have heard this one already…or witnessed it.

One day (several years ago) I got back to my office after teaching and I noticed that my sweater was on backward! But that's not the embarrassing part; it was a black turtleneck sweater and the back and front were indistinguishable on the outside. Even so, I feel that I must make it right; even I'm the only one that knows. So I turn it around.

Just as I am slipping my right arm back into the sleeve of my sweater, one of my students appears at the door. An expression of shock, horror and embarrassment appears on his face. He shoved the paper into my (right) hand before booking it out of the office. He apparently thought I was changing in the middle of my office with the door open! At noon! On a Tuesday!

From now on, I'm gonna be careful. I'm going to wear a button down shirt tomorrow – it's easy to tell when they are on backward. And a skirt. Skirts don't have crotches.

Cheerios for dinner

I'm a seriously exciting person. On this fine Saturday night, I am sitting alone on my apartment. I am eating cheerios (yogurt burst) and drinking dr. pepper (diet) for dinner. I've hit a new level of lame.

What to write about? Writing?

I just spent the last 30 minutes composing a blog expressing my frustrations about my students and their inability to read and follow directions. However, that made me more pissed off, so I'm not going to publish it. It's not really what I to wanted to write about. Besides, I'll have more complaints tomorrow after I've received the outlines ;)

What I wanted to write about….actually, I don't know. Good things, I guess. Funny things…although I might be all out of funny for the evening.

Hmm, start with things I like: puppies, fuzzy robes, sweatpants, wasabi peas, Great Lakes Octoberfest (sipping on now), getting my hair done, hugs, running, clipping coupons (glossy paper is fun to cut with sharp scissors). Writing anything not school related. Bunnies mistaken for cats (That cat walks funny….it was a bunny!!!). comments about my facebook status. Sleeping in. random emails.

Writing; I'll go back to that. I have a love/hate relationship with writing. I am terrible at writing academic stuff. And I know that I'm bad at it because I think I am and worry that other people think I should be a much better writer for being in school so long. So writing things such as theses and dissertations are anxiety-wrought events. Generally, the result isn't that bad, and is sometimes even good, but the whole process is horrible for me.

Writing for other reasons; emails, blogs, journaling, etc. I don't care so much how people perceive me – I just write. I know my grammar isn't always the best, and I don't feel like writing all of the time. But I don't let fear of evaluation and self-doubt get in my way. I need to find a way to harness this for my dissertation. I just need to write when I've got ideas, not being afraid that something I write is going to suck, is implausible, is horribly explained.

I've written a lot of poetry/prose as well. That I can write, but I find it difficult to share. It is so personal that I feel like it is letting someone look at a small piece of my life with a magnifying glass. Almost like seeing my soul. Sometimes I feel like I want to share, but the subjects are so personal. They are either love/lost love/lust and/or are very sad. Mostly experiences I've had.

My dissertation is not personal…why do I feel like it is just as revealing?

Ah, I'm up too late again. I've actually been pretty good the last couple of nights. I need to go to bed…