A plan and a little hope.

I’ve still been discouraged and disappointed in myself. I'm really trying to drown out the naysayers (me) and get on with it. Actually, I can use my dissertation to distract myself from some of the not-so-positive things going on in life. Not sure if that will ultimately be effective, but it is worth a shot. Any mind trick that I can use to get myself to work more on my dissertation is a good thing.

I need to come up with some specific deadlines. I think that the end of this week I should have a revised chapter 1, and perhaps the middle of next week I should have a revised version of chapter 2. I do feel that chapter 3 is the most important piece of the puzzle, and I can continue to work on that, but I see the other chapters as more doable. Perhaps I could even have the next draft of Chapter 1 done today. I only have some (seemingly) minor edits to make.

I'm so not the optimistic cheerleader type, but I'm trying to to pump myself up about this! I have an opportunity to get things done, to make a great accomplishment and contribute a paper that is mine and mine alone. I can do this! Just a little bit (or a little bit more) every day will help my dreams become a reality. I need to do this.

Discouraged

I'd had some really good days last week on the dissertation. Not always getting as much done as I would have wanted, but still making progress (however small). Today, I'm having a really tough time getting going (which happens and I try to push through it). However, I'm feeling completely discouraged about the whole thing. I'm highly disappointed at where I am in the dissertation process. I haven't even proposed it yet, and it has been years since I passed my comprehensive exams. I've been spinning my wheels for years and cannot shake the guilt from that. I'm finding it really difficult to believe that it will ever get done.

I've got this summer to get the proposal in tip-top shape and ready to propose. Some days, it doesn't sound so daunting. Other days, it seems like climbing Mt Everest would be easier. Today is a Mt Everest day. The whole thing is a major disaster, but what is most bothering me is the progress I should have made in the past few years. I know I need to let that go. I need to let it go to be effective, to stop it from dragging me down. Lately, every time I work on it, I have a tremendous amount of guilt from all of the things I haven't done...and all of the things my classmates have done. I am happy for them - but many of them have started years after me, and I am ashamed of my own lack of progress.

If I don't make enough progress this summer, it might be the end of the road for me. That has motivated me at times, specifically last week. Today it is weighing me down. I need to remember that I finished my thesis and passed comps and I wasn't especially confident I would be successful at either. Neither accomplishment was pretty, but I finished it. This dissertation process is not ugly, grotesque even, but I'm hoping to finish it. I just need to find my mojo and some self-efficacy. Anyone have any to spare?

The first post of May!

I apologize for being a little (or a lot) lax on posting. Just not much was going on yet I was somewhat busy.

Well I woke up far to early (for me anyhow) at 5:30 am and had this bright idea to work on the dissertation. I figured that it *is* the first day of work study and thus I should begin working. I just presumed that I would start working a little later, but whatever.

Anyhow, I started my day using http://www.750words.com. I've been using it for awhile, 10 days or so, and it is a good way to get started writing (i.e. mind dump). It can be anything you want it to be - the goal is to write 750 words every day. I've found it surprisingly easy and definitely gets me in the writing mood. It definitely helped today, I went right from there into my dissertation. And I spent a good 3 hours working. Not just 3 hours. A GOOD 3 hours. A productive 3 hours. Any dissertation writer knows that you can spend many hours working on a dissertation, yet not get much accomplished. This was a good day!

Hoping more good days to follow! I might start waking up a bit earlier just to get going. It seemed easier just starting off the day like that - right from bed, no breakfast, still in pjs, just writing. Perhaps I could become a morning person?